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I AM AN AUTHOR!

The other day I was thinking about why I was interested in writing, and why I have stuck with it for a large part of my teenage and young adult life.

At first, I thought that it was probably because other work didn’t give us the same sense of satisfaction as writing novels, short stories, poetry, scripts, and songs. This led me to thinking, just what is it about being an author that is so satisfying? So I thought it would be interesting to try to pin down some of the reasons:


Escapism

When writing a novel you can escape into your own world which can be anything you want it to be. That does beg the question – why is my writing world full of pain, difficult subjects, and warped characters, and why does that give me so much satisfaction? I have not fully pegged down an answer that I am fully satisfied with, but I can say that (and unfortunately so) my writing reflects current events in the world. My writing is (at least for me) very real and captures how I, and perhaps how society, views certain aspects.


Creativity

I gain a sense of fulfilment in having created something from nothing and I’ve no doubt it’s the same for other artists. Your work is like your baby that you feel proud of and it gives you that special feeling of having nurtured it from start to finish. I look forward to the day that I see my books on shelves or see others holding the fresh print copies in their hands.


Reader Satisfaction

It’s fantastic to receive feedback from readers and realise that somebody has enjoyed one of your projects.


Organisation and Planning

In the (non-writing) world of work, good organization was always one of my strengths and I think that both large and small writing projects require good organization skills. You have to be able to plan the characters, and carefully interweave the main plot and sub-plots. Organization and planning are also important in achieving a good balance with the pacing of a novel. Because of my organized nature, I actually enjoy these challenges.


Kudos

If I’m honest it’s always flattering when people take an interest in what I do although I also get a little embarrassed sometimes. Even though there are increasing numbers of people publishing books, it still attracts a lot of attention when you say that you are currently writing and hoping to publish two books at the same time.

Huge Potential for Financial Gain
I mean, that's the dream. I wish for writing to become my full-time career which can sustain my living needs, but at the same time... it is a passion. I do not want my quality of work to suffer because I need to pay the bills at the end of the month.

Yes, there’s a golden carrot dangling on the end of that metaphorical piece of string. The trouble is, every time you try to grasp the carrot, somebody yanks the string and you find you’ve got a bit further to go until you reach your reward. But as long as we can see the carrot, we’ll keep trying to grab it.

I’m speaking for the majority of authors, of course. There are some who are already reaping large financial rewards, which provides further encouragement for everyone else.

Now for the things I don’t love so much:

I don’t think I’m very good at the whole marketing and promotion thing. I’ve never been one for selling myself. I’d get on with my writing but I expect a lot of authors are like that, which is probably why we choose to do what we do.

The other negative aspect for me is that there aren’t enough hours in the day.

This is another one that I often hear everyone else in the world complain about. It would be wonderful if I could devote all of my working hours to writing but unfortunately (especially at this point in my life), it is not a possible outcome.

Have you ever thought about why you like to do what you do? What makes it worthwhile to you?


Anywho, I have been working extremely hard on this novel. It is called Enough and it is a book that challenges the stigma around mental health, and self-love through the eyes of my main character, Annie.

The following is a few pages of unedited work:

You showed me this Annie. Through you, I have learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on. Life exists far beyond the limitations of my mind. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you will miss them when they are gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. That even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. You know you are on the right track when you become uninterested in looking back. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but most of all, people will never forget how you made them feel. Well Annie, I crave you in the most innocent form.

I feel sorry for the people who take you for granted. They will never fully appreciate nor understand how beautiful you truly are. Nor how much, I James Evan Donaldson, desire to be there with you right now to hold your hand as you read this. I crave to say good night and give you forehead kisses and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you and nothing more or less. I crave a love so deep that the ocean would be jealous. You may have all these insecurities that have made you think that the person in the mirror is the person who you are. But Annie, you are so much more than that. The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live only as you can. You see Annie, I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked into love with you. My eyes wide open, choosing to take every step with you along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality. I’d find you, and I’d choose you I only want two things in this world Annie, I want you. I want us.

You are not a back-up plan. You are worth more than someone’s second choice. You cannot force yourself to stop caring for someone, but you can tell yourself that you deserve better. Never settle to be someone’s second best. Raise your standard and choose to be with someone who will treat you with the same respect and consideration you would treat them. You can’t expect to be someone else’s priority if you aren’t your own. Now, before you put yourself down, please consider everything you’ve accomplished to get to this point, every life you’ve touched, and ever moment you’ve pushed beyond your fears. You are a champion. You are a fighter. You are worthy of nothing less than the deepest love you have to share. You are an inspiration. You are my inspiration.

This will be my last message in this journal. It will be the last you ever need too. You have shown so much strength already, and I know you will be alright. There are a few more thoughts that I would like to leave with you.

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched and unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak of me in the same way that you have always used. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no forced faces to mask solemnity, sorrow or pain. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of the shadow of me. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval of time. It could be very near, just around the corner.

With all my love,

James


He wrote in so much truth. He has a beautiful way with words. He always had. You see, I think a lot of people do not understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and jewelry. There’s no love in that. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold their hand when you know they are scared, or you save the last piece of cake for them. The random text in the middle of the day, just to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’. The way they stop to kiss you when they pass by. It is dedicating their favourite song to them, and letting them eat all of your fries; telling them that they are beautiful or handsome, even when they are not at their best. It’s putting your favourite show on pause so they can tell you about their day, and laughing at their jokes even though they are so cheesy. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in the gestures.

It is like Mark Twain said, ‘kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.'

James showed me so much kindness, that an average person cannot even fathom.

That’s how you know you love someone. I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it too. He was there though. He was me. He always has been and always will be me. Well, apart of me.  He showed me one important thing. That no one has ever been able to show me. Not that I’m beautiful, not that I’m smart, not that I am sweet. None of that. He showed me something more important than any of those things. He showed me that I am important, and that there’s a reason why I am here. He made me feel like the world is lucky to have me. I do not think anyone will ever make me feel that way again, and they may not need to. What is important is that I hold onto it, and believe that with ever fibre of my being. Everything has changed, and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.

Sometimes, you have to accept the fact that some people only enter your life as a temporary happiness.

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