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Year of the blog: Day #23 - It's okay to not be okay (part 2)

January 25th, 2018

Day #23

One of my first blog posts on this site, if you were around then to remember, depicted that it is okay to not be okay.

And it is okay to not be okay.

 This is a lesson that has been more than a decade in the making for me. I’m in my early twenties and I’m just coming to grips with the fact that I don’t handle stress well, that I’m not as strong as I thought I was and that all of the crap I went through, all the things I learned about myself through those times I can now use to try to help my friends and family as they face their own emotional issues.

It’s okay to not be okay. I keep telling myself that I need to be strong right now, that I need to find a way to hold it all together…but I think the truth of the matter is that I don’t have to be all that strong. I don’t have to always hold it together. That it’s okay to show my friends and family that not always being okay is in fact okay.

Life isn't easy. It’s been a time that I’ve had to shut myself down from my regular happenings.  I’ve sat in my chair, blanket wrapped around me and prayed for help, for peace and for guidance. I’ve found different things to make me smile. I’ve eaten probably way too much and drank more than my share of tea. But most of all…it’s been a time where I’ve looked deep into my heart and have accepted that I don’t have to be all the stuff I can’t possibly be at this moment.

Life is about moments. Moments to cherish. Moments to remember. Moments that make a difference. I could look back on all the moments that I should have noticed, all those moments that I had been a better mother I might have caught the signs…but there’s nothing gained by doing that. All I can do is celebrate all the moments I have now, on a go forward basis and be the best friend/family member/human I can be, in this moment.

Even if I’m not okay. Because, that is also okay.

One day, this awful month will be behind me. One day, this time in our lives will be considered the past. One day, we’ll be able to look back as a family as see where we all changed – for the better.

You do not have to go through these moments alone. In fact, it is encouraged that you share your personal journey with someone else. You are NOT burdening them with your 'problems', you are encouraging a new opportunities for those moments to grow into memories to treasure. Those memories will shed new light.

- M

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